Knitted Journals

Also, my back hurts so much that being asleep is pretty much the only way to not have to deal with...

Thu, 23 May 2013 18:37:43 -0500

Also, my back hurts so much that being asleep is pretty much the only way to not have to deal with it.

Please let this happen. I need this to happen.

Thu, 23 May 2013 18:32:27 -0500

Please let this happen. I need this to happen.

cabradine replied to your post hugs tight Are you okay? Not really. I don’t know if you...

Sun, 12 May 2013 20:00:00 -0500

cabradine replied to your post

*hugs tight* Are you okay?

Not really. I don’t know if you noticed, but I have a complicated relationship with my mom. AKA: I fucking hate her. Well, because of recent shit that I won’t get into, we had to see each other. For a while, my dad was on my side and agreed that she’s terrible.

Then, all of a sudden, she’s “Nice” again and now I’m the bad guy. He guilted me into telling her happy mother’s day and now he’s mad at me because, guess what? I’m upset.

I don’t know. I just… I know people have worse parents. I know I’m lucky they don’t do worse things.

But they just… they don’t know how close they are to pushing me to do things I never thought about doing. That I don’t want to admit I’m this fucking close to.

I’m supposed to move out soon and I just can’t wait.

Sorry for unloading all this on you (and anyone that reads this). But, yeah. This is the shit I’ve been dealing with for two weeks.

I didn’t want to lose my dad too, but I guess it was inevitable.

Sun, 12 May 2013 19:50:17 -0500

I didn’t want to lose my dad too, but I guess it was inevitable.

I had to tumbler savior mother’s day because it was honestly making me uncomfortable to see...

Sun, 12 May 2013 16:10:21 -0500

I had to tumbler savior mother’s day because it was honestly making me uncomfortable to see mention’s of it.

I’m so fucked up.

I hate my family. I hate them so much. They’re all fucking hypocrites. “We’re...

Sun, 12 May 2013 14:36:00 -0500

I hate my family.

I hate them so much.

They’re all fucking hypocrites. “We’re okay with your mom this week, so you have to be too. We’re all a big happy family!”

No we’re not. We never have been.

And the fact that I have to lie and pretend and act like some perfect fucking daughter just to not get yelled at hurts.

It hurts so much.

I have to be someone I’m not to fit in with this fucking family. And none of them care. As long as I play the game, none of them care.

They’d all rather me just suffer and lie than actually say how I feel.

Because if I say how I feel, then I’m the bad guy.

I’m the monster that hates her mother who just loves her so much.

Even though it’s a lie. Where was she when our dad was in the hospital? Where was she for those two months that we didn’t know what to do? And if she loves me and not her shit so much, then why didn’t she EVER text me after she got it back?

But no. I have to lie and pretend and be a good little actor for them.

Because I guess that’s what a family is.

I don’t know anything else at this point.

And they wonder why I don’t want to pass on these fucked up genes.

So, want to ruin the progress I was making? Want to make me go from happy to completely having a...

Sun, 12 May 2013 11:45:00 -0500

So, want to ruin the progress I was making? Want to make me go from happy to completely having a fucking panic attack? Shaking and crying?

Tell me to fucking tell my mom happy mother’s day.

This… I can’t…

She wouldn’t visit you in the hospital. All she cared about was getting her shit back.

But, no. Let’s pretend that didn’t happen because she’s nice to you right now.

Because that’s how it always works, right?

I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do if I can’t leave here soon.

The new Hyperbole and a Half completely describes how I feel right now better than I ever...

Thu, 09 May 2013 15:32:12 -0500

The new Hyperbole and a Half completely describes how I feel right now better than I ever could.

She’s really good at that.

I just hope I get to the happiness part eventually…

I honestly feel completely worthless and I don’t understand why anyone wants to be around...

Mon, 06 May 2013 23:04:44 -0500

I honestly feel completely worthless and I don’t understand why anyone wants to be around me.

I’m not worth anyone’s time.

Thank you, April. I really needed that.

Fri, 03 May 2013 00:33:00 -0500

Thank you, April.

I really needed that.

Small health update: So, here goes. I know it’s been a while since I said anything. And I...

Thu, 02 May 2013 05:17:14 -0500

Small health update:

So, here goes. I know it’s been a while since I said anything. And I hate doing that. But, yeah.

Basically… I WAS feeling better. Like, I was able to be awake for a while…

And then I got the worst period I’ve had in months. :/

I won’t go into detail, but yeah. It’s not fun right now.

I hate this. I feel like… my body is just falling apart. And I know it’s stupid to feel like that, but I do. I feel so depressed and in pain and I just… I want it to go away.

And I know it will soon. I know that.

I guess the depression is more than that, though. It always is. At least part of the problem might go away soon, though. I don’t want to talk too much about that, though. I don’t want to start talking and then it doesn’t happen.

But, yeah. I should start being social again soon at least. Just… not yet.

I’m sorry I’ve been so absent. My back pain is so bad that sleeping is pretty much the...

Mon, 22 Apr 2013 10:48:15 -0500

I’m sorry I’ve been so absent. My back pain is so bad that sleeping is pretty much the only way I can not be in pain.

It’ll pass. It always does.

But for right now, I have to rest.

I was stupid and did some cleaning and now my back is out. sigh I’m just gonna go crawl...

Wed, 17 Apr 2013 16:45:17 -0500

I was stupid and did some cleaning and now my back is out.

*sigh*

I’m just gonna go crawl under a rock…

PersonaStar (by kaxeriny) New AMV to mark a new channel.

Tue, 16 Apr 2013 04:45:00 -0500

PersonaStar (by kaxeriny)

New AMV to mark a new channel.

person: stop apologizing.

Tue, 16 Apr 2013 03:17:39 -0500

person: stop apologizing.
me: sorry.
me: wait fuck, no sorry i didn't mean--
me: shit, sorry i--
me: SORRY I MEANT--
me: GOD FUCKING DAMNIT SORRY I WASN'T THINKING--
me: wait no fuck shit sorry i did it again i--
me: fuck
me:
me: sorry

r1n-okumura: “My normal routine would’ve been to glare right...

Tue, 16 Apr 2013 03:17:26 -0500

r1n-okumura:

“My normal routine would’ve been to glare right back and call him out for a fight after school. But i’m not having anything more to do with his type. After all, I’ve decided to become an exorcist!”

best-of-funny: sexwithsquidward: “Same sex couples shouldn’t be able to adopt because their kids...

Tue, 16 Apr 2013 03:16:56 -0500

best-of-funny:

sexwithsquidward:

“Same sex couples shouldn’t be able to adopt because their kids will get bullied for having two moms or two dads”

hey

instead of not allowing same sex couples to adopt

maybe you should teach your little shitty kids not to bully

X

Bunch of personal shit: So, I never got around to talking about this, because there was so much shit...

Tue, 16 Apr 2013 02:58:36 -0500

Bunch of personal shit:

So, I never got around to talking about this, because there was so much shit going on, but here goes.

I can’t go to Southwest until MAYBE next year. I can’t afford it (for a lot of reasons that I really don’t want to get into).

I just… It hurts. Because I finally DID it. I finally fucking forced myself to apply and got accepted. And then it’s all for nothing.

And, I know there are so many reasons I should wait. The money. My back. We’re going to (hopefully) be moving soon.

But still. It didn’t hit me until now how BADLY I wanted to go. How badly i just wanted fucking SOMETHING I could be proud of doing again.

But, now I’m back where I started. I tried and it all fell apart.

kaalashnikov: having ocs is weird some of them are just like ideas and concepts while others are...

Tue, 16 Apr 2013 02:26:51 -0500

kaalashnikov:

having ocs is weird

some of them are just like ideas and concepts while others are like people living inside your head demanding a nice room and snacks and attention and occasionally they poke you in the feelings when you’re least expecting it

some of them you spend forever coaxing out from a dark corner of your mind with some candy and some of them are always up in your face

Photo

Tue, 16 Apr 2013 00:19:34 -0500

Knitted Journals

Also, my back hurts so much that being asleep is pretty much the only way to not have to deal with...

Please let this happen. I need this to happen.

cabradine replied to your post *hugs tight* Are you okay? Not really. I don’t know if you...

I didn’t want to lose my dad too, but I guess it was inevitable.

I had to tumbler savior mother’s day because it was honestly making me uncomfortable to see...

I hate my family. I hate them so much. They’re all fucking hypocrites. “We’re...

So, want to ruin the progress I was making? Want to make me go from happy to completely having a...

The new Hyperbole and a Half completely describes how I feel right now better than I ever...

I honestly feel completely worthless and I don’t understand why anyone wants to be around...

Thank you, April. I really needed that.

Small health update: So, here goes. I know it’s been a while since I said anything. And I...

I’m sorry I’ve been so absent. My back pain is so bad that sleeping is pretty much the...

I was stupid and did some cleaning and now my back is out. *sigh* I’m just gonna go crawl...

PersonaStar (by kaxeriny) New AMV to mark a new channel.

person: stop apologizing.

r1n-okumura: “My normal routine would’ve been to glare right...

best-of-funny: sexwithsquidward: “Same sex couples shouldn’t be able to adopt because their kids...

Bunch of personal shit: So, I never got around to talking about this, because there was so much shit...

kaalashnikov: having ocs is weird some of them are just like ideas and concepts while others are...

Photo

cabradine replied to your post hugs tight Are you okay? Not really. I don’t know if you...

I was stupid and did some cleaning and now my back is out. sigh I’m just gonna go crawl...